This is a reflective guide to choosing a therapist who feels like a true fit, not just a credentialed one.

People often ask: How do I choose the right therapist?

Beginning therapy requires courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to sit with uncertainty, sometimes the emotional kind, sometimes the logistical kind. And yet, we rarely talk about how to choose the person we will learn to trust with the most intimate parts of our lives.

As an IFS and Gottman-trained therapist in Florida, I believe that therapy is less about fixing and more about witnessing. The right therapist is not the one who knows everything about you but the one who helps you get to know yourself.

This guide will not tell you who to pick. It will show you how to begin with clarity and intention.

Person journaling in a notebook, reflecting on questions to ask when starting therapy and choosing the right therapist. — A person writes in a notebook, representing reflection, self-inquiry, and preparation for starting therapy. This image highlights the importance of understanding your needs, values, and goals when choosing the right therapist.

First: Understand that therapy is a relationship, not a service

We sometimes approach therapy the way we approach medicine.
Here is my pain. Make it stop.

But therapy is relational, it is co-created. Progress is not handed to you. It unfolds between you and the person sitting across from you. What makes the work powerful is not only the modality, but the fit.
Do you feel seen? Do you feel emotionally met? Does something inside you exhale?

Not every therapist will be your therapist.
And that is not failure. It is compatibility.

Before you even schedule: interview yourself

Instead of beginning with which therapist, start with why therapy, and why now.

Ask yourself:

• What brings me to this moment?
• What am I longing for, insight, accountability, emotional repair, new patterns?
• What do I need from the person guiding me: directness, warmth, structure, depth?
• Where do I hope to be six months from now?

These questions do not require polished answers. They simply orient you toward yourself before orienting you toward another.

Second: Understanding different approaches (so you know what resonates)

Internal Family Systems (IFS) recognizes that we are made of many internal voices, protectors, critics, wounded parts, hopeful parts. In IFS, the goal is not to eliminate these parts, but to understand them and cultivate inner leadership rather than inner war. If you want depth, self-awareness, emotional integration, this is a powerful map.

The Gottman Method offers structure for couples who need clarity: communication patterns, conflict cycles, connection rituals, repair strategies. It is practical and research-based, ideal for relationships that feel stuck or reactive.

There are many other approaches: CBT, EMDR, somatic therapies, narrative work. The right modality is the one that helps you open up. Expertise matters but resonance matters more.

When consulting with a therapist, ask questions that reveal the relationship, not just their résumé.

You are allowed to be discerning. Therapy is not a passive experience.

Questions that open the door:

• How would you describe your approach when someone is overwhelmed or guarded?
• How do you balance listening with challenging?
• What does progress look like through your lens?
• How do you create emotional safety, and how do you work when rupture happens?

Notice how they respond.
Notice how you feel while they respond.

A therapist who welcomes your curiosity invites collaboration.
A therapist who bristles at it signals something important.

Third: The first month of therapy: what it typically feels like

Session 1: You both arrive as the narrators of your story. The therapist listens, shape, and reflects.
Session 2 & 3: For couples work this is where I meet with each partner 1:1 in order to develop a better framework for each person’s individual world.
Session 4 and beyond: Trust blooms. The room becomes a space where truth can be spoken without performance.

How to recognize a therapist who fits

You may have found a good match if:

• You feel safe enough to be honest, even with the messy parts
• You leave sessions feeling understood rather than scrutinized
• You sense possibility, even if the work is uncomfortable
• The therapist sees more in you than your symptoms

A therapist should neither rescue you nor abandon you.
Their role is to walk beside you, not ahead, not behind.

And when the fit is not right

If after several sessions you still feel guarded, unseen, or unable to speak freely, you are not required to stay. Advocate for yourself. Therapy is too important to spend it performing acceptance or pretending comfort.

Changing therapists is not quitting. It is choosing alignment.

Modern therapy office with comfortable chairs and large windows, representing a calm and supportive space for starting therapy and choosing the right therapist. — A modern, light-filled therapy office with comfortable seating and city views symbolizes the beginning of the therapy journey. The image reflects clarity, safety, and the importance of finding the right therapeutic fit when starting therapy.

If you are seeking support in Florida

I work with individuals and couples navigating anxiety, relationship patterns, emotional disconnection, identity, shame, and the desire to understand themselves more deeply.

My approach blends:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS)
• Gottman Method for couples
• Relational, trauma-informed care

Therapy with me feels collaborative; grounded and curious.You bring your story. I bring my training. Together, we build something human in the space between us.

If you are ready to begin, you can click here to schedule a consultation.