3 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationship with Bids of Connection
Have you ever felt like your partner has ignored you or feel like they’re not listening? Oftentimes we feel like we are competing with every other distraction for our partner's attention.
What if I told you that there is a specific name for this type of phenomenon?
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, introduced the concept of "Bids of Connection" as important interactions that can shape the dynamics between partners. Understanding and responding to these bids can deepen emotional intimacy and foster a stronger bond.
What Are Bids of Connection?
Bids of connection are covert or overt attempts by one partner to connect with the other. They can manifest in various forms, such as a question, a gesture, a comment, or a shared experience. These bids serve as invitations for emotional connection and communication. They are also non verbal cues that we give our partner such as a smile, a wave, a kiss ect.
Gottman's Insights: Turning Towards, Turning Away, and Rejecting Bids
Now the juicy stuff comes in how these Bids are received, Dr. Gottman's research categorizes responses to bids into three main types:
Turning Towards: This response involves actively engaging with your partner's bid. It shows attentiveness, empathy, and willingness to connect. Turning towards bids strengthens the emotional connection between partners and fosters a sense of security within the relationship.
Turning Away: When a partner turns away from a bid, they may ignore it, brush it off, or respond in a dismissive manner. This can create feelings of rejection and disconnection, leading to a breakdown in communication and intimacy.
Rejecting: Rejecting bids involves outright dismissal or negative responses to your partner's attempts at connection. This can deeply hurt the emotional bond between partners and erode trust and closeness over time.
Approaching Bids of Connection:
So now that we know how Bids can be received, let’s go into how we can better prepare ourselves!
1. Active Listening and Validation: When your partner makes a bid, actively listen with empathy and validate their feelings. For example, if your partner shares excitement about a new project, respond positively by expressing interest and encouragement. This demonstrates turning towards their bid and affirming their importance to you.
2. Shared Rituals and Quality Time: Establishing shared rituals or activities can create regular opportunities for connection. Whether it's cooking together, taking evening walks, or having a weekly date night, prioritizing quality time strengthens the bond between partners and encourages turning towards bids consistently.
3. Open Communication and Compromise: Effective communication is key to navigating bids of connection successfully. Encourage open dialogue about each other's needs and preferences, and be willing to compromise to meet those needs. When conflicts arise, approach them with empathy and a willingness to find common ground, fostering a supportive environment for turning towards bids.
In conclusion, bids of connection are the cornerstone of a thriving and deeply connected relationship. By embracing Dr. Gottman's wisdom and wholeheartedly engaging with each other's bids, couples can cultivate a profound sense of emotional closeness, and lay the groundwork for love and intimacy. So, whether it's a shared laugh, a comforting touch, or a heartfelt conversation, each bid holds the potential to deepen your connection and enrich your journey together.
